This is 39.

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I celebrated my 39th birthday on Monday. Cory, Anna and all the wonderful messages I received made my day so lovely. I am just so grateful and I look at each passing birthday and each new day as a redo. A chance to put my best self forward.

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Realizing this and putting my best self forward is not always easy. I started having quite a bit of anxiety about this birthday back in August. Thirty nine means I’m just a hop, skip & a jump to forty and that made me acutely aware of my gremlins. Gremlins that speak to me about lack and insignificance. It was hard.

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I’m like anyone, I want to be better. I want to do better. For me this looks like putting myself first and that is not an easy task for me. While on a trip at the end of August I told Cory about these gremlins and then I made some very big, very bold proclamations about what I wanted. It sounds dramatic and it was. I was standing on a mountain, overlooking a gorgeous valley with the sun beaming down on me. I had tears streaming down my face. I was having a moment. I made promises to myself in that space that I have been working on since I got home.

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Choosing me and putting my interests first has been a struggle but I’m slowly easing into it. One day at a time, reframing my thoughts at each step.

I look forward to 40, I have a plan to stand in the ocean as my best self and then to raise my arms to the sky and say thank you. As I blew out my candles on Monday I wished for the guidance to lead each day with love, compassion and kindness, for myself and for everyone around me. I truly believe that with these three things we can change lives.

♥ Nadine

Recommended reading for a little soul work: Brene Brown’s Rising Strong & Braving the Wilderness 

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