Yesterday I celebrated 40 & what an incredible day it was! Cory & I walked Anna to school, we went to a hot yoga class, we went out for lunch, picked up the cake I had ordered, we walked back to get Anna and then we opened gifts. We ate cake before dinner, we drank wine and ate Greek food. It was magic. All day I was flooded with texts, messages, phone calls and people singing Happy Birthday to me. Everyone said the nicest things and made me feel so special. I was literally floating around on clouds all day. I went to bed with a full heart & feeling so incredibly grateful to be alive!
I have had a lot of thoughts & feelings about turning 40, many of them not so good. I few times in the past year I felt an overwhelming panic. A panic about what I hadn’t done or accomplished or saved for. Then one day I just stopped. I stopped “shoulding” all over myself and instead of listing all the things I hadn’t crossed off my list I started listing all the things I had done, accomplished and paid for. What an eyeopener that was. What a weight off my back. When I allowed that to happen I also allowed for gratitude to spill in and my days have been so much better for it!
I am here. Healthy. Happy. Strong. Brave. Determined. Confident. Full of light & hope. I am more “me” than I have ever been. This past year I started standing up for myself, I started letting things go, I started putting me first (slowly, ever so slowly), I started showing up for myself. I said no to things that weren’t right, I stopped following people that made me annoyed or uneasy, I started being honest with myself about the things I actually want. I began accepting that there are seasons to life and it’s ok when something doesn’t look like you thought it should. I started taking breaks from relationships that were leaving me deflated. I started trusting my gut and making decisions based on my intuition. I started meditating and asking for abundance in all areas of my life without feeling that that was greedy. Slowly, these small changes began adding up to big changes in my perspective and my life. I am so much better off than I was & yet I have so much more room to grow.
I am wildly aware that all of this can be taken away from me in the blink of an eye so I have made a commitment to not miss a moment of it. Will I take something for granted? Of course! Will I screw up? Absolutely. Will my anxiety get in the way? I know it will. But I keep showing up and sometimes showing up is half the battle. That was a promise I made to myself this past year. Keep showing up. Keep showing up even when it’s hard & messy. Even when I don’t want to. It hasn’t always been easy but so far- it’s always been worth it.
This year I chose to make a big deal out of my birthday. To celebrate me! To book myself a photographer. To cheers the years to come instead of avoiding them. I started planning about what I needed & wanted months ahead of time. I bought balloons, prosecco, confetti, a fancy cake topper & I made a cake. I had more ideas than time.
Maybe a birthday photo shoot isn’t your jam, that was a luxury I made happen, that made me happy, that filled me up. The point is to celebrate this time you’re in. Whether you’re 30 or 40 or 50, the number really is irrelevant. Show up for yourself.
Treat yourself. Don’t listen to the voices telling you that you’re silly. That you don’t deserve it. Go big. Throw your arms in the air and yell YES!!!! THIS IS ME AND I AM FABULOUS!
Sheri of Capture It Photography made magic with me for my birthday and I am so freakin grateful!!!
Here’s to 40!