Every year I choose a word, sometimes that word stays with me and I check in with it every now & then and then other times I find that I have forgotten what the word even was.

(If the concept of One Little word is new to you- please check out this post from Ali Edwards. She has inspired me over the years and has brought this concept & process into my life. )

I wanted this year to be different. I wanted to use it as a guide, as a teacher, as a cheerleader and as a permission slip.

My word for 2017: Invest

I didn’t have trouble finding a word, it came running at me…. more like a sprint. When I tried to find a “better” word I was sent directly back to Invest.

Invest by definition: to devote one’s time, effort or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worth while result.

I have spent a great deal of time over the past (many) years putting myself last. Making excuses as to why I was too busy for myself or the things I loved or the things I wanted to try. I am an expert in convincing myself to just stay stagnant. I have spent too much time saying yes to things that did not excite me or yes to things that served someone else instead of serving me. I then end each day on an empty tank. Before I even have a chance to look inside I am saying goodnight and “we’ll try again tomorrow”. But that doesn’t happen,  I have slipped into a circle and I simply just keep going around and around. When I try to step out my anxiety gets the best of me and the gremlins in my head say things like “See, it’s just easier this way, get back in your circle where you belong.” or “You took time for yourself and now everything is behind.” or “There is just not enough time, money, etc. for you to do xy&z.”

I was becoming more and more aware of this pattern and it was making me so very sad and so very bored. So when I say the word Invest ran at me, I mean it. “Invest in yourself Nadine…. you can’t take care of anyone or anything if you don’t fill up your cup first.” And for the first time I didn’t feel any guilt about the prospect of doing so. In fact, I felt lighter.

I decided I needed some sort of accountability, inspiration and help so I signed up for Ali Edwards’ One Little Word workshop where I will receive monthly prompts and inspiration for living with my word.

I completed January’s prompts and worksheets. I answered questions about what I was excited about, what scared me about this concept and what I wanted to let go of in 2017. The questions made me think & be honest,  I didn’t like it at first but once I got into it and let go of feeling silly I couldn’t stop writing. It reminded me of the first time I saw a therapist- at first I didn’t know what to say and then all of a sudden I couldn’t shut up. Ha.

Here’s a bit of my journaling:

This year I would like to invite: A better sense of self, more time for the things I love and the things that make me happy and more patience with myself.

What I hope to let go of this year: Negative self talk & limiting beliefs. Negative energy and the belief that putting time into myself is wrong and selfish, that personal development is foolish.

It’s January 10 and I can say that so far so good. Not an easy task to change my patterns and actions. Sometimes I feel like I am wandering around confused but I am taking steps forward and choosing things that serve me first has been both stressful and rewarding.

♥